Sport
6 September, 2025
Conditions challenging for final round
Saturday was the last official day for golf at Royal Rainbow for 2025.
And in a season where Mother Nature has thrown up all sorts of interesting weather conditions, it seemed only fitting that the final Saturday would also be a fair way from pleasant.
It was cold and it was windy, with the real feel hovering somewhere around the 5°C mark.
But this didn’t deter a few of our less sensible golfers from wearing clothing completely unsuitable to the conditions.
Firstly, there was Stephen ‘The Little Pom’ Leach and Jimmy ‘Gene’ Kranz in shorts.
And then, there was Marc ‘The Mallee Mauler’ Edelsten in just a polo.
When questioned about his attire, Edelsten was very keen to point out that he had been keeping his clothing to a minimum ever since a member of the fairer sex had said that he was “hot stuff”.
For the final fling of the year, 11 men and one rather hardy lady took to the course for a game of three-person ambrose.
Debbie Lowe drew the names out of the hat and immediately put the ‘moz’ on the team of Clugston, Leach and Gebert by loudly announcing what a strong team they would be and that they should win.
Well Debbie, it would seem that fortune-telling is not your forte, because these three hacks came dead, motherless last.
While none of the three had an ‘airy’, all three of them managed to find a way to unintentionally advance their golf ball a mere five metres when trying to smack it 40 times that down the fairway.
The team of Lowe, Cocks and the Flying Mullett did do better and through the generosity of the golf club managed to win a pair of socks each by coming third in a four-team event.
There were many who thought that the team led by Marcus ‘Hot Stuff’ Edelsten, which included Hamish ‘The Hammer’ Hollamby and Wayne “Groundskeeper’ Nitschke, might have had a good chance of bringing home the bacon.
While they did play pretty well, they were nowhere near as good as the eventual winners on the day.
Yep, the big-swatting team of Robert ‘Slugger’ Sluggett, Travis ‘Bundy Bear’ Clarke and the rookie of the year, the newly nicknamed Jimmy ‘Gene’ Kranz, found a way to score well and in the process give everyone else an absolute pantsing.
And while it may be tempting to assume that the win was because of the strong recent form of The Slugger or the pressure-handling capabilities of Veep Clarke, you would be mistaken.
When it looked like all was lost deep in the trees on the 15th, young Kranz channelled his namesake, Eugene Kranz (of Apollo 13 fame), and through clenched teeth stated clearly and boldly that ‘failure was not an option’.
And so it was that the lads chose not failure but glory.
Also occurring on this day was the much-anticipated four-ball grand final between two teams of mighty foes.
In the blue corner was the canny pairing of Rodney ‘Popeye’ McLean and Dexter ‘The Smiling Assassin’ Schilling.
And in the red corner, the bombastic duo of Aaron ‘Bryson’ Glen and Andy ‘Marto’ Martion.
The Smiling Assassin was already hurting from a singles grand final defeat at the hands of Groundskeeper Nitschke and he had no desire to lose two grand finals in the space of a week.
But before we analyse the final result, it is time to finish the “Rime of the Ancient Golfer”.
It is he, the Ancient Golfer,
A legend to behold,
Who has cut down mighty men,
With a swing both strong and bold.
On Saturday, he took on one and all,
And met them with a steely gaze.
He struck that ball long and true,
Leaving his opponents in a daze.
In the semi-final he stood both tall and proud,
Ready to take on the fearsome ‘Muddy’.
But by the end of this epic encounter,
It was his opponent that was broken and bloody.
After a golf season upon which many a minstrel feasted,
The Ancient Golfer had given all that there was to give.
The premierships may not have been his, but his glory cannot be denied,
For whilst all men die, unlike the great Dexter, very few truly live.
In the end, Marto and Glen were too strong for the Ancient Golfer and Popeye McLean, and well done to them both for their victory.
But congratulations too to Dexter.
At the age of 80, Dexter has been one of our most improved golfers.
In fact, it is so very encouraging that our two most improved golfers for the season are 64 years apart in age.
It matters not if you are 80 like Dexter, or 16 like Oscar, you can take up the game of golf, you can improve and get joy from this great game at our great club at the same time.
The day finished off with presentations and an unbelievably delicious meal courtesy of the skilled hands of Helen Fisher.
It was a meal enjoyed by all.
And there you have it: Rainbow golf done for 2025.
It has been great year.
A great year made possible by the hard work and mateship of so many people.
A big thank you to all of you who have helped to make our club a special place to play golf.
And to you, our public, thank you for reading.
If, by some chance, you are thinking that you would like to be part of our little club, don’t hesitate.
We would love to have you join us, and I would encourage you to do so.
SCORES: R. Sluggett, T. Clarke, J. Kranz: 78 – 12 – 66 (1st), M. Edelsten, H. Hollamby, W. Nitschke: 75 – 7.67 – 67.33 (2nd), O. Clarke, D. Lowe, M. Cocks: 80 – 11.67 – 68.33 (3rd), S. Leach, D. Clugston, C. Gebert: 75 – 6 – 69 (sead motherless last)
NTP: 5th – C. Gebert
