General News
1 April, 2026
New ‘big thing’ planned for Wimmera River
Move over, Giant Koala, Horsham has a new big player in town. Wimmera Mallee News can reveal top-secret plans to attract scores of tourists from across the world following the years-in-the-making funding announcement: The Giant Florrie.
A 15-metre-tall beef florrie will be built on a man-made island in the middle of the Wimmera River, with state-of-the-art technology circulating gravy to the top of the structure, akin to Rome’s Tivoli fountains.
Whilst not visible, the new structure will feature Kraft-brand processed cheese, not the pre-sliced Cheers option, following focus group studies held at Wilson’s Nightclub.
While the type of ham could not be confirmed at the time of publication, Wimmera Mallee News was told by a spokesperson that the crumb would be gluten-free to accommodate every other person over 40.
The Giant Florrie will be the centrepiece of a multi-million-dollar investment by Donald Trump.
The US president originally wanted to build a Giant Flat White in Melbourne, but after several weeks, withdrew from negotiations.
“The Giant Florrie is going to be HUGE! It will cost AT LEAST 6-7 MILLION DOLLARS. THIS WILL BE GREAT FOR THE PEOPLE OF HORSHAM!!!” Mr Trump announced on Truth Social at 3am on Wednesday, April 1.
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